Do you know what makes your partner or child feel special? A compliment, quality time, a gift, a helping hand or a big long cuddle? And what about yourself? Sometimes we think we know what makes someone feel loved, but in reality it can be the quality time they are after and not that gift that took you so long to find and wrap.
The secret to working out what makes someone feel special is finding out their love language. According to author and Doctor Gary Chapman there are five ways to express and experience love; gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. If you work out someone’s unique love language, it will make everyone’s life guaranteed a whole lot more lovey-dovey ♥♥♥
You can do the test here to find out your own love language.
Here are the 5 Love Languages briefly explained:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important, hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.